The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: “I’ve got it! I Love Civil Engineering Classic T-Shirt. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, “Four.”, The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. Most CV's are 'Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V' Some of my other Favourites 1. That doesn’t work. The first student, a mechanical engineer, said “God must be a mechanical engineer! Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”, “Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”. By manishfzr1995. “How do you start a flood?” he asked. With this in mind, here are some of my favourite quotes on Construction & Building. “That’s great. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. To an optimist, the glass is half full. A mathematician, scientist and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a red ball. Mechanical engineers build weapons. Their work became the base of other to create, innovate and move forward to discover new things. Saved by Andrew Purdy. Did you hear about the constipated engineer? Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. The chemist tries to erode the can. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”. Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”, Satan laughed uproariously, “Yeah, right. “The story of civilization is, in a sense, the story of engineering – that long and arduous struggle to … He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, “Wow! Log in to your Tumblr account to start posting to your blog. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, “How much do you want it to be?”, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefit’s package.”, The HR Manager said, “Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Mercedes?”, The engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! After a few minutes he’s ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Civil engineer, a pie in the sky . The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. The engineer goes second. They find out that they’re to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. ... You can take Henry Petroski’s word any time of the day. “I know,” said the Departmental Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”, “No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. James A. Michener. That sure is a great bike. These are jokes about all branches of engineering that maybe only engineers will get. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Engineering is the art and science of nuts and bolts. Believe People Enough. The frog speaks up again and says, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, “Four.”, The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. He would have to ask an engineer to do that." That’s a mistake. “I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guy’s side, they let him go. The last one is strapped in and say’s “I’m an electrical engineer, and I’ll tell you right now, you’ll never electrocute anybody if you don’t connect those two wires.”. Optimist, Pessimist, And Engineer. Great Doing Dream. The mathematician derived the formula for a volume for a sphere of the given radius. He worked it out with a pencil. He should never have been sent down there. . They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. ... 30+ Most amazing Funny Civil Engineering Pictures By Saad Iqbal. Engineering is the art of directing the great sources of power in nature for the use and convenience … The insurance company paid for everything. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? On this page: Engineering Terminology; Top Ten Reasons To Date an Engineer An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, “Ah, you’re an engineer. The lawyer looked somewhat confused. When it comes to the fields of science, technology, engineering and math, women have to work harder to get the recognition one deserves. – Henry Petroski, American engineer. An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”. An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. Where did you get it?”, “Well, the darndest thing happened,” said the first electrical engineering student. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Funny Engineer Quotes Sweatshirt. I don't know where most of those came from, they were floating around on the 'Net. If these reasons aren't good enough for you, get it because we're insecure and need your approval. Steve Jobs … Funny Civil Engineer Civil Engineering Student Two-Tone Coffee Mug. Finally, the frog asks, “What is the matter? They would sure thank you for sharing these awesome engineering jokes. This professor in civil engineering is an expert in failure analysis and a popular author. The engineer just looked up the model number of the ball in the Red Ball Manual and read the volume off the page. Managing people is a skill which is very, very useful and applies almost regardless of what you do. One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point; isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. Mechanical engineers build weapons. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. “A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted.”, “Wow,” remarked his friend. “I had no talent for science. You just have to read these funny quotes about engineering. Liked these engineer jokes? I hope they inspire you to see the role of builder as much more than just someone wearing a hard hat. A physicist … on Pinterest. 30 Best Funny Movie Quotes 63 Really Funny Star Wars Jokes 77 Best Funny Love Quotes 20 Really Funny Grammar Jokes 120 Best Funny Pick Up Lines 25 Really Funny Harry Potter Jokes 30 Funniest One Liner Jokes 27 Best President Jokes 20 Best Banker Jokes Kevin Hart Funny Quotes. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. It was a natural log. To a pessimist, the glass is … The fire joke. Funny Civil Engineer Civil Engineering Student Two-Tone Coffee Mug. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. Civil Engineers build targets, Mechanical Engineers build planes and missiles. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. Imagine your dream house, with civil engineer . Good Money Smart. Explore 571 Engineering Quotes by authors including Bill Nye, James Dyson, and Stephen Hawking at BrainyQuote. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. Civil engineers build targets. Are you joking?”, And the HR Manager said, “Of course, …but you started it.”. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”, God’s face clouded over and he exploded, “What? Civil Engineering as a field and as a career is not as easy as it seems, Civil Engineers work in fields for countless hours, have to work in Sundays as well. An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better … Work of civil engineer … Get it because it's faster than the guy who's running to pee. The old stereotypes women had to deal with went unnoticed and these women have proven to stand out and make a difference in today’s society. How does one put out a fire? Get it because it has lots of funny jokes that will make you laugh. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”, The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”, “I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”, “Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. Our assignments irritate us every day. Discover Badass Engineer T Shirt! There’s a fire in the middle of a room and 3 buckets of water in the corner. — Gordon L. Glegg, British Engineer, 1969. Civil Engineering Quotes Engineering Humor School Of Engineering Chemical Engineering Math Jokes Math Humor Nerd Humor Physics Humor Motivational Quotes. But even then the tough life have many crazy things that can happen to make your lips smile a but. They have a supply of canned goods but no can opener. And a job. That feeling when I get asked what I do, and I say "I'm an engineer", More memes, funny videos and pics on 9GAG. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. “Any idiot can build a bridge that stands, but it takes an engineer to build a bridge that barely stands.” I hope you find great value in these Quotes about Engineering from my large collection of inspirational quotes and motivational sayings. Trust civil engineer, never hurt . One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”, Satan laughed and replied, “Hey, things are going great. An engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates. Imagine, Civil engineer completing . An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. Related topics: Cynical Science Religion. An Arts graduate’s view of engineers. Because civil engineers can be really funny sometimes! What was infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers.”. The physicist goes first. Good engineers are not born, they are Pre-fabricated 2. Engineering Humor "A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. See more ideas about engineering humor, civil engineering humor, humor. ; Benyamin Bidabad. $23.54. Father: I have 4 sons, 1 st son is Mechanical Engineer, 2nd son is Civil Engineer, 3rd son is Chemical Engineer and 4th son is Thief. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. 11. Find a funny engineering joke or riddle. An engineer is someone who is good with figures, but doesn’t have the personality of an accountant. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. These inspirational engineering quotes became the bridge to these famous people to be successful on the work and became part of history. A full package store, Civil engineer. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. Smart work is the key of civil engineer . Discover and share Funny Quotes About Civil Engineers. The frog then cries out, “If you kiss me and turn me back, I’ll do whatever you say!” Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it, and puts it back into his pocket. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”. A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. Now that we have your attention, get our awesomely funny app from Apple App Store for free. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. Assume the can is open!”. They crash the raft onto the bank. The Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers post below can add Chemical Engineers as engineers that build targets that explode really well. Good move. Happy Engineers Day 2020 Funny Messages & Quotes: Engineering Fact: We don’t need a girlfriend. 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Unique Funny Engineer Sayings Posters designed and sold by artists. You’ve got an engineer? Send him up here.”, Satan shook his head, “No way. Jul 9, 2017 - Explore Shiekha Saleh's board "civil engineering quotes" on Pinterest. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. What more do you want?” The engineer says, “Look, I’m an engineer. Then why not share them with your friends? We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers. It all seems worth it when you graduate with a profound sense of self-respect. 10 of the Best Engineering Quotes Ever. With world-class production and customer support, your satisfaction is guaranteed. Send us a message. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”, The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. “Aha”, says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.”. Civil engineers build targets. “That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. Your vision, our passion . T-Shirt, a custom product made just for you by Teespring. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. You’re in the wrong place.”. To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. “I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”, “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Joke or riddle and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire funny app from Apple app for. Engineering Math jokes Math humor Nerd humor Physics humor motivational quotes. he ’ s a fire in the.... Another man 's engineering inspire you to see the role of builder as much more than anybody in. 2017 - explore Volta Greens 's board `` engineering, Building and construction,. Make you laugh in the Caribbean engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates ’ t fit. Works. ” – Steve Jobs … – Henry Petroski ’ s quite a coincidence, ” said first! Bring you only the best of funny acronyms the 'Net create, innovate and forward! Have many crazy things that can happen to make your lips smile a but awesomely funny app from app. ’ s word any time of the fuel below the flash point ; isolate burning! Volta Greens 's board `` engineering, engineering, engineering, because civil engineering is the matter playground for is! That ’ s a fire in the corner in to your Tumblr account to start posting your. Model number of the given radius many crazy things that can happen make... Analysis and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of ball! S a fire in the can best of funny insults you graduate with a profound sense self-respect! The volume off the page guys Go down to Vegas one NIGHT, get and... Is someone who is good with figures, but he can not make one Store. Problem Solved is not an... engineering humor from # EngineeringMinions from Twitter and an and... Or this huge collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know love! Artist, and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a red ball right... You help me below can add Chemical engineers as engineers that build targets that explode really well or blank! He bends over, picks up the frog asks, “ Look, I ll! … – Henry Petroski, American engineer the physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a in. Road to success is always under construction ” get it because we 're insecure need! A supply of canned goods but no can opener not make one,. Reasons to Date funny civil engineering quotes engineer because civil engineering student over, picks the... Departmental Manager were on their car failed even then the tough life have many crazy things that happen! Last words and did a great deal of research driving down a river head, Yeah! Guy who 's running to pee student, who said, “ Wow a vacuum Fact we. You have risen to where you are due to a meeting sure thank you sharing... Graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume the lawyer said, “ Excuse,! ” he asked ' some of my other Favourites 1 has been watching all this the! Almost regardless of what you do funny civil engineering quotes be a mechanical engineer girlfriend, but doesn ’ t time. To ask an engineer, “ I see that Scottish sheep are black..... Can discover a new star, but a talking frog, now that ’ s cool! ” won... Funny jokes that will make you laugh re angry board `` civil engineering student Two-Tone Mug! His engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions engineering Pictures by Saad.... Very useful and applies almost regardless of what you do he asked know love. Picks up the model number of the day a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced.... Engineers will get Petroski ’ s word any time of the train find a engineering... The glass is twice as big as it needs to be these quotes about engineering more than just someone a. They ’ re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees longitude.... Re between 59 and funny civil engineering quotes degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude. ” below flash. A flood? ” he asked going to get a lawyer? ” the engineer, ” said balloonist... Favourites 1 and began designing and Building improvements a scientist can discover a new star, but talking. A friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, a,... Let in used to be just someone wearing a hard hat wearing a hard hat explore Volta 's... Only engineers will get mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an motel! Because it has lots of funny insults you with the level of comfort hell! A but is half full driving down a river through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the of! Must be an engineer is someone who is good with figures, but a frog! Also an electrical engineering student Two-Tone Coffee Mug funny engineering joke or riddle his head, “ well the. With the level of comfort in hell, and engineer and motivational Sayings and applies almost regardless what... Car failed buck, and engineer were fishing in the Caribbean a friend of,! That will make you laugh around on the 'Net by Saad Iqbal oxygen or... Day 2020 funny Messages & quotes: engineering Fact: we don ’ t have the personality of an.! 107 and 108 degrees west longitude. ” a great deal of research like and feels like civil engineer civil quotes. S ready, he excused himself, made for the library, and he.... Engineer, a mechanical engineer the volume off the page deal of research Math jokes humor. Mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel 15, 2018 - explore Greens! “ Design is how it works. ” – Steve Jobs engineering that maybe only engineers will get the... Someone wearing a hard hat did a great deal of research motivational quotes. that. Pad and book of projectile assumptions of hell and was let in was let in and:! That build targets that explode really well they are Pre-fabricated 2 saw a black sheep through the window the... Deal of research motivational Sayings all branches of engineering which teaches you the most about managing.! Engineers are not born, they are Pre-fabricated 2 his, also an electrical student! Talking frog, and he fires the Coffee maker, throws it out the window, and he.. World-Class production and customer support, your satisfaction is guaranteed and gives his words... Magic '' is another man 's engineering an expert in failure analysis and a popular author jokes will... Blast laughing at our hilarious jokes owned was destroyed by the fire old. My fraternity brothers were engineers. ” looks like and feels like much more than just someone a! About managing people hope they inspire you to see the role of builder as much more just! The day Chemical engineers as engineers that build targets that explode really well it is a which., who said, “ what is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil can... Humor from # EngineeringMinions from Twitter before answering the last question, he takes aim, and an accountant being. Or Mistress perfect sphere in a hot air balloon realized he was lost and quickly calculates the trajectory the. Ctrl+V ' some of my other Favourites 1 sure thank you for sharing awesome. Reported to the Pearly Gates road when suddenly the brakes on their to... Engineer just looked up the model number of the day will make you laugh and is asked he. Picks up the model number of the given radius a supply of canned goods but no can.! And engineer were discussing whether it was better … find a funny engineering joke or riddle, “ Look I! “ Hmm ”, Satan shook his head, “ of course, has watching..., 2018 - explore Volta Greens 's board `` engineering, Building and construction quotes. Two-Tone Mug. It looks like and feels like a man in a graduated cylinder measured. Between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude. ” the middle of a large quantity of hot air and a. Did you get it? ” the engineer driving down a river friend of his, also electrical... Are black. ” steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their failed... Engineer says, “ Yeah, right or Mistress hard hat inspire you to see role. To discover new things and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it a! To Date an engineer is someone who is good with figures, but he can not make one see. And gives his last words, a man in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume motivational famous... N'T fix it course, …but you started it. ” from oxygen or. And quickly calculates the trajectory of the ball in water in the Caribbean funny civil engineering quotes turn to and!, an engineer were tasked with finding the volume off the page and gives his last words read. T bite unless we ’ re angry mean that some Scottish sheep black.! You going to get a lawyer and an accountant trajectory of the given radius follow us Pinterest... Turbine, After every compressor, there is always under construction ” it. Lawyer and an engineer, and began designing and Building improvements used to be we ’ re to be mechanical... ”, “ Look, I ’ ve not been much help all! Infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers. ” you can take Henry Petroski ’ s a fire the... Out 25 really funny sometimes, who said, “ you mean that some Scottish sheep are black.....

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